Make it in a playful way
Every kids love games (even adult often do to!) Games use psychology to keep us play. They reward you at strategic intervals to maintain engagement. This principle can be applied to encourage positive behavior in children. Start with a rewards plan or chart, every time your child has a good behavior, mark it on the chart, show your love and appreciation to them. Also, it is important to involve your child’s contribution in the process, especially in choosing rewards. For teens, you may allow them to stay out with friends later more often. It does not have to be materials things, it can be quality time as a family or with friends. Invite them come up with a list of rewards and then you can arrange them in order to collaboration together. Appreciation can help motivate your child to change, as well as strengthen your relationship.
2. Be their learning model
Children may not realize or undersetand the impact of their behavior, i.e. yelling, being oppositional, or get into a fight. Instead of giving them what they want which will cause the tantrums to be repeats, tell them you will talk to them once they are calm. Providing space or rooms are necessary for children, say “let me take a deep breaths and I need a break, because that usually helps me”. After taking a break, say “Ok I feel calmer, how can I help?” Demonstrating the way you cope with big emotions and nurturing will be motivating for your child to learn.
3. Validation
The most common thing I hear from kids and teens is that “ my parents don’t understand me”/”I don’t want to talk to them”. They may have a hard time expressing themselves. Recognizing their feelings like “I see you are upset”, or praise for their effort. Sharing personal experience when appropriate, demonstrating empathy and showing understanding. By active listening and validating their experience, like “When I was in college, I really feel struggling in class, it’s so hard for me as well.” Validation is a skills for daily practice, and letting your kids to feel seen and heard.
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